Sometimes I just sit and ache for more in life. To give it all up for God. To go the extra mile in every way. To be honest, sometimes it’s just hard to do that. It’s hard to give up the little and the big things in life.


And yet, I feel my heart aching for more from this life I am living. I want to have more dreams and goals. I want to rely on God to supply my every need. I want to trust that He cares about me as much as He says He does. I want to be a better wife. I want to cook more meals and make food that is good for us. I want to learn how to keep my house clean for longer than 5 minutes. I just long for it… and yet, life holds me back. Things are harder to deal with than it seems sometimes.

I don’t know where this is really going, but I just needed to get this out. I needed to write this down so that I could look back and remember I wanted these things if I ever get them and they seem like too much.

Do you ache for things in life? Do you long for a stronger relationship with God, friends, your spouse, family??

my beef with the internetz.

Ok. I don’t get on much, whatever! Sometimes I sit there and have something to say and then… “DELETE”. Other times, I just think, “Ughhh! I bet people think I am annoyingggg.. wahhhh!!!!” so I just don’t post. But, really Joanna? REALLY?? I don’t post because of OTHER PEOPLE?!? Lame.

I think that is a big part of why the internet just ticks me off. It makes us even MORE self-conscious and worried about what others think of us. We worry if we will offend or hurt people so we don’t say what we really feel. We worry others will think we are crayzayyyy if we say how we really feel about a certain issue, especially if we haven’t hear others express a similar view.  I guess those are all “good” reasons to rethink something before we do it.. but still.

I get it, we shouldn’t offend people. But, if we can’t just read a blog post by others without being offended or hurt.. I think that shows more in our character than the person who posted it. I feel like we as a society, especially within a circle of women, have so many insecurities. Sometimes people use their blog a sort of way to reflect, vent, what have you. There isn’t a thing wrong with that. Yes, some people are complete haters and racists/sexists/etc. and should not be posting anything on the internet because it’s polluting everything we think about anything… but come ON! We can’t just share a funny post about something we thing is quirky or lame? We ALL have our own opinions.. I think the best way to truly learn and appreciate life is to hear someone’s opinion, especially one you don’t agree with, and be able to have a real, open conversation about it. I think that shows maturity. Now, I haven’t fully mastered this, so don’t get me wrong… But, rather, it’s more my ideal thought of how we all should act in each other’s lives.

Long story short.. I guess haterz gon’ hate. But, seriously? Are we so unhappy with ourselves that we have to pick others apart piece by piece until they edit something they wrote or posted on any sort of a site out there?

Food for thought.



“The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand. “
-Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)

Thursday thoughts


It’s amazing to me that two years later this scripture STILL rings true in my life and I am still longing for this..

I really wish i would journal more. It’s so cool to look back and see how He worked in my life, or how He answered a prayer with an answer I may or may not have desired.

Right at this moment I feel so… alone. Forgotten. Undesired. And especially unworthy. I need to turn my eyes to Jesus. But it is so so hard.. How do you turn your eyes to Him?

My ending thoughts/prayer:
Lord, please help my heart to find rest and to be still and have peace in YOU! Help my soul and my mind to find love, hope and acceptance in YOU.. Not in friends (or lack thereof), not in family members, my husband or even myself… Help me to SEE the blessings you give that go unnoticed most of the time!!! Give me my spirit of thankfulness and encouragment. 


this post was started on 2/14/2012, but couldn’t be finished due to feeling sicky. SO, it was published late. :)

I love my husband. I love that he just ‘gets me’. He goes along with my little quirks, and he brings me meds when I don’t feel well and he’d rather rush straight home and relax. He laughs at my jokes and smiles because he thinks I am adorable. He is THE BEST guy. Sure, I am biased… but there is nothing wrong with him being my best friend. Today I told him, “Happy Balentime’s Day!” and, without a pause, he replied back the same way I said it. sigh.. he is so sweet.

Currently, I am sick. Our Valentine’s Day events will consist of watching Parenthood on Netflix and making dinner together. and I LOVE that. :)

Happy February!

It has been a while since I have posted anything. Christmas was a whirlwind and life certainly got busy! A lot has happened in my life these past few months that have really gotten me down. But, at the same time has made me stronger. It’s funny. I struggle so hard to put it into words that would still remain vague enough to post all over the internet, but at the same time I just want to scream at the top of my lungs what’s really going on.

It’s strange being a Christian. We are “strong” in Christ when we are weak. And yet, as a human, it is so dang hard to admit we are weak. It’s so hard to realize that sometimes, bad things happen to those we love and we cannot do a thing about it. It’s also hard to sit back and watch those people bring the tough, hard, bad things upon themselves. It’s hard to take a slap in the face from them. It’s realllyyyyy hard to accept things that have inadvertently been done to you. And, it’s hard to accept when YOU really mess things up.

It’s difficult to look to God sometimes when you are a Christian. It shouldn’t be, but it IS. I so badly long for God to be tangible and visible to me in the sense as my husband, friend, etc. is visible to me. And yet, sometimes that’s one of the BEST qualities of God. It’s hard to say what you need to say or how you really feel when you can look someone square in the eye. With God, we can say everything we feel, think and want, and He already knows! He still listens, and doesn’t talk back or interrupt.

I have been trying to become healthier: Spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. Here’s something else that’s funny: Satan does NOT want this to happen. he tries to put everything and anything in my way. Now I am not one to give satan credit for anything, but sometimes I think it is necessary to put into words what he is trying to do so that he knows we aren’t that naive. We aren’t that simple, and we will NOT be defeated.

I am sure that most of this was just rambling for rambling’s sake, but, hey, it’s something! I am trying to figure out where I am trying to go with this little blog. I am sick of blog after blog that I start and don’t complete or don’t put anything consistent on it. Just like in other areas of my life (Spending time with God, spending purposeful time with my husband and family, working out, eating better, etc.) this is something of discipline and practice. I want it to have a purpose as well, if only for me to be able to look back on and see what God has brought me through.


Beginnings are great. Beginnings are a great way to “start over”. But, that also means that beginnings are an end to something that once was. That is/was how my life has been for the last few months. It’s funny because, really, I have been in the “in between”, which, in and of itself is a beginning.

So much has been going on in our first few months of marriage, and I really wish I were better at keeping track of it as it happens. So, that is what this will be the attempt of. I hope that while posting updates of current things, that I will intertwine those wonderful (and sometimes –TOUGH!) things that have occurred so that Aaron and I I (well, let’s be honest, I am the only one who pays attention to this out of the two of us haha!) can have something to look back on other than jumbled notes in a journal. Hopefully this will be more coherent and fluid.

It has been a great journey so far… one of discovering who I truly am –what drives me, what ticks me off, what really makes me laugh– and one of discovering who my wonderful husband is, and all the in-between stuff, too.

WOO! I am ready. Let’s hope I can keep up with it all…

Being married: week 1 (almost complete!)

I know I said I would talk about our wedding day, but seeing as how our photos aren’t done being edited, I will just save that for a fun treat for later :) Maybe by then I can collect all of my thoughts on the day to be able to share coherently haha

so, this is the first week of marriage for aaron and myself. I must say, it’s great! There are a few downs however…

1) I get NO sleep. hah Aaron would beg to differ and say that whenever he looks over he sees me sleeping. WELL, that may be true, but he has no idea that I toss and turn all night because of the stupid fan blowing in my face drying out my sinuses or to kick him in the legs to move him off of my side of the bed. oh, the joys of marriage :)

2) We don’t really have much time to ourselves… I mean, yeah, that’s what real married life is like. I GET IT. But, seeing as how this is our FIRST week of marriage, and typically people are on their honeymoon now.. I see the frustration of NOT being on our honeymoon as of yet.

3) We have stuff EVERYWHERE. We are trying (slowly) to put things away and move my stuff over to the apt. from my grandma’s.. but, boy oh boy, is it a chore! Work takes up much of our lives currently, and by the time work is over, we are both exhausted (or rather, I am exhausted because of my lack of sleep *cough cough*). So, the evenings are not a great time for us to get some things done. We are getting there though :) Pictures to follow soon enough!

annndd… that’s about it. Married life is tough.. we already know that. Making decisions on how money is to be spent, to how each of you likes to have towels/clothes folded… it all takes communication. We are learning this more and more and we haven’t even been married a week! Whew! We have so much more time to go.. but it will be so worth it, even in the hard times.

That’s all for now. just wanted to write a little bit to get it out of my mind :) Tomorrow is FRIDAY and we get to finalize our purchases for our honeymoon and PACK to leave for Florida on Saturday morning!! Aaron and I cannot wait! :)